Pushing Out Air: Part V: Home

You are back where you started
Home.
Plain walls, white as snow,
tied down to a metal bed,
bells for your knuckles.
They caught you
you tried to escape
no more tests
no more tests
you are human
you are human
repeat
repeat
only thing that keeps you
somewhat sane.
They come with their clipboards
scribble scribble scribble
With their syringes,
pump you full of things
not even Ken Jennings could pronounce
the television is on,
statitic
chhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhh.
your arms possesses many bumps
tick tick
you have been bad,
they have ways of making you behave
this is not what home is
this is prison.
your ankles are taped up
feet swollen, they said you lost a lot of blood.
this is home, back where you belong
Jara- the one who almost  got away
welcome home
take it in
we are glad to hear your screams
once more
the door opens.
There they are, the black bag.
over the head.
Keep pushing out air.
the bag goes over your head.
They pick you up and put you on a gurney
keep pushing out air.
chhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhh.They caught you
you tried to escape
no more tests
no more tests
you are human
you are human
repeat
repeat
only thing that keeps you
somewhat sane
You are going to your death.
It is over.
you will stop pushing out air.
tick
tick.

Pushing out Air: Part IV: The Door

There is still dark,
making itself at home, an unwelcomed guest.
poisoning the air around you.
You hear their voices muffled by the pounding in your ears
wrists numb, tied up
they caught you
now, to dispose of you
you won't be found.
Beating you, bleeding you.
hitting you, sores open.
you are pain, the embodiment of hell,
your soul crying taking it all in
throwing up gagging, chocking
screaming
silent movie
no one hears you
your alone in the darkest corner of your existence.
there is burning
your fingernails being ripped off
piece by piece
blood surfacing
flaming red, burning
ashes
crawling worms
eating your eye sockets,
still alive-painful
torture.
Then-light.
You can breathe
hood on the floor
sweat on your temple
blood on your lip
calm, crying
soul is screaming.
then you see it,
the door.
it's open
summoning you
showing what freedom looks like
you untie your hands with your mouth and slowly
stand
you fall
your ankles have been cut
two short swipes of a blade making it impossible to
walk
crawling, you wait for a muster of strength
the door is calling
crawl crawl towards the light
taste freedom, not the blood in your mouth.
keep pushing, keep pushing out air.

Pushing Out Air: Part III: Wolves

You are alone. Rick is gone.
Stopped in your tracks
marked the way you went
footprints on the ground
hours, forgotten which you rode
past the trees on the winding road
darkest night creeps forward
dragging your pain by your hair
making you feel aware that they are always watching
monsters that pillage through the forest
quick as thieves and dark as night
scaring you, make you sweat
running is all you can do.
they have found you again
on top of you
swarming like hawks
wolves to their prey
you ran from them
chased you were
away from your old self
you took their prize away
made it seem that you were never there
they way you wanted it to be.
The warehouse is safe, even though chains
chains hanging from the machines
riddled with blood sweat and rust
years of work for so little pay
you realize you are not alone
they are there, outside
waiting to jump and maim you
take you back to where they think you belong
hating them is what gives you power
maybe it is time to give up, to stop being free.
That is what you want, right? To be free?
If it doesn't come at a cost of running.
Still trapped, my soul hanged from the rafters
swaying swaying.
The trucks have broken windows now, the light pouring in.
Blinding.
Breath on the back of your neck.
Hairs raised, like guarding a precious jewel.
You are ready for anything.
You feel a pain,
It
               all

                      goes


black.

Black Swan (One of the most odd Cliffhangers?)

After watching Darren Aronofsky's Black Swan, I still have many questions. What was hallucinated was Lilly actually killed in Nina's dressing room?

First, a summary of Black Swan. 

(from www.imdb.com)

Nina (Portman) is a ballerina in a New York City ballet company whose life, like all those in her profession, is completely consumed with dance. She lives with her obsessive former ballerina mother Erica (Hershey) who exerts a suffocating control over her. When artistic director Thomas Leroy (Cassel) decides to replace prima ballerina Beth MacIntyre (Ryder) for the opening production of their new season, Swan Lake, Nina is his first choice. But Nina has competition: a new dancer, Lily (Kunis), who impresses Leroy as well. Swan Lake requires a dancer who can play both the White Swan with innocence and grace, and the Black Swan, who represents guile and sensuality. Nina fits the White Swan role perfectly but Lily is the personification of the Black Swan. As the two young dancers expand their rivalry into a twisted friendship, Nina begins to get more in touch with her dark side - a recklessness that threatens to destroy her.

Black Swan was an eye-opener for me. My brain is still itching if you know what I mean. Black Swan made me realize that this one something can be overwhelming  for people, for Sayers it was being the Swan Queen and trying to find perfection for Thomas Leroy and her estranged mother. Sayers quickly became obsessed with the role, taking dire action in making it her best performance of her career. She suffered from a great deal of anxiety and pressure, which every dancer has or will in one time or another in the span of their career. Sayers and Lilly were polar opposites. Sayers this uptight frigid girl who wanted nothing less then to be perfect, which kept her from living. Lilly, on the other hand, was a calm, go with the flow type dancer who could share a smile with the world.

The film does leave questions unanswered for its captivated audience and even the characters themselves. Towards the end of Act II in Swan Lake, Nina finds Lilly in her dressing room preparing to become the Black Swan. Lilly was chosen as Nina's alternate, much to Nina's dismay. Nina was then transformed into the grievous person. She attacked Lilly and stabbed her with a shard of glass from the mirror which hung from her wall. Yet, minutes later Lilly was congratulating her by her door, saying that she was perfection. 

Nina then found she had stabbed herself with the shard of glass from the mirror, and pulled it from her abdomen. She finished the performance, seeing her mother in the audience, and took the leap of faith,  but died soon after. 

There are still questions in my mind....one's that can't be answered and some I may not want answered. Why did Nina turn into the Black Swan? I believe that she was always the Black Swan, it being a part of her she had never really been in touch with at all do to her suffocating mother who controlled ever aspect of her life. The Black Swan was a source of power of control for Nina, something she had never come to terms with until now. I do think that there were times when Lilly was also the Black Swan, being the one who seduces those who want , but do not possess control. 

Did Nina really die? The old one did. She felt it. Perfect. 

This film is really hard to explain seeing as how we do not know what was real and what wasn't. Everyone has to make that choice for themselves, like Nina has to make the choice of being in control. Dark dismal control. She had to spread her wings. Black as they be. 

Pushing Out Air: Part II: The Drive

He made it seem so easy
getting away
from torture
from someone who didn't love you
like they had promised on that
day in August
he had left you made you
beg for life
and then you ran
far away
but he caught up
and took away your innocence
barely scraping by
you hear the faint sound of music from the radio
and take it in
slowly
feeling life crawl back into the brightness of your eyes
and you make due
with the security you have
that you possess at this moment and you
don't want to go back there
not even in your dreams
there were no good times
only tolerated ones
days of sun
and days of rain
mixed in one
kept you cold, made no warmth for your soul
you can't stop pushing out air
shallow quick breaths turn to deep calm
surviving ones
you remember seeing it all
the walls so plain your screams gave it color
the red for pain
and deep purple for sadness
the tears washed your feet
you were locked away in your own body
keeping away from corners
so dark
they may snatch your hope away
the steps and footfalls of him who came to take you away
take it all away make you nothing
from something.
He took it all, made it empty
took the hope
which turned to hate
locked you back in the cage
tied you down and made you
scream from your eyes
he's gagged you doesn't want to hear you scream anymore
He calls it fun
you think you're done
and feel it, all the light turn to dark.
You feel the scent of the trees tickle your nostrils
Rick is driving still.
He makes you feel safe secure
the way a brother should be
all those things
that you did
that you do
that you will do
means nothing to him
he loves you and
gives you the drive to survive
and all the great
things in the world
do not compare to the love of your
only surviving sibling
for the others are long gone
you are dead to them
but he encourages you to still push out air.
The sign is blinking- vacancy.
you stop for the night, crawl into bed while he keeps watch
with a steady eye
in your dreams you are safe
at home
twelve again
nothing wrong
everything good and whole.
He keeps watch over you, like an angel should
and he is there
back in the truck driving
knowing that they are looking for you
the man, the monster, the place
which you were ripped from
they can no longer feed
they are hungry and wanting
they will find you
oh, they will find you
but you still possess the drive,
the will to live.
Just keep pushing out air.
you are still pushing out air.

Pushing Out Air

If you fall you are done.
Keep him yards from you
that's what you have to do
You are bare, you are scared
crying - tears caressing your high cheek bones
your hair filled with leaves and dirt
open sores on your feet, bleeding
leaving traces for those that hunt you
his gun is ready to fire to take you down
make you his meal, fill his stomach
fill his guilt.
You are his prize
your lungs pushing out air,
heavy
breathe
breathe
take it all back in and
out again
his torch is bright
he's right behind
the river is close
runs towards it, the ice covered body of water
slipping skating, falling crawling
making your great escape
away from him
never going back
he harmed you - warned you
froze you- burned you
made you feel less
like a melting drop of snow
from the branches of birch trees
the trees so welcoming in spring
now dead in the heart of winter
the trees, who's gnarled roots
catch you underfoot
you are crawling
you are surviving
then you see it
a pair of steel toed boots
not that far from you
the figure is dark and looming
the moonlight barely
showing his figure
barely
barely lifeless on the inside
knowing its the end
he's here
you are done.
He picks you up and takes you to the trail where he has parked his truck
the headlights still on - barely shown in the midst of this blizzard
he lays you across the the seat and gives you a blanket
starts the truck and goes
and turn up the radio
and drives
you stir and look back
to see your hunter
load his gun and take a shot -
it hits the window
leaving a hole
and you realize you are safe
with the man who calls himself Rick
and you feel blessed
to meet an angel
who has saved you
from an icy hell.
and you are still
Pushing out air.

The Victory of War: Zombies v. Unicorns

 (Re post from Facebook)

Introduction

Recently I was given knowledge of an anthology titled Zombies v. Unicorns. This anthology is made on the grounds that either a band of zombies or a herd of unicorns could win a gut wrenching battle with impossible odds. Trying to prove that one is better than another is a pointless and tiring task. These two "species" are relentless in an offensive/defensive way.
They both have different abilities along with strengths and weaknesses.
Zombies have been confused with many other monstrous creatures. I will try to make a clear distinction between the different entities that proceed from death.To study the zombie as a creature, it is important to understand exactly what a zombie is.

A zombie is a dead person that is brought back to life through a curse (voodoo, necromancy) or a mutation and has recovered some vital functions like movement. They are speechless, near-mindless, possessing little reasoning power, though many can perform automatic movement and "remembered behaviors" from their mortal existence.

To then understand how a unicorn is characterized:

A fabled creature symbolic of virginity and usually represented as a horse with a single straight spiraled horn projecting from its forehead.

The Defense
The unicorn is a legendary animal. It is usually portrayed as a slender, white horse with a spiraling horn on its forehead, although its appearance and behavior differs, depending on the location. In the west it was usually considered wild and is unable to be tamed, while in the Orient it was peaceful, meek and thought to be the bringer of good luck. The unicorn's single horn is it's unique feature that sets it apart from the other types of animals with horns. The horn itself is said to be white at the base, black in the middle and with a sharp, red tip. It is believed to possess healing abilities. Dust filed from the horn was thought to protect against poison, and many diseases. It could even resurrect the dead. Amongst royalty and nobility in the Middle Ages, it became quite fashionable to own a drinking cup made of the horn of an unicorn, not in the least because it was supposed to detect poison.
The belief in the healing abilities of the horn is probably based on a medieval story. In this particular tale, many animals once gathered around a pool in the midst of night. The water was poisoned and they could not drink from it, until a unicorn appeared. He simply dipped his horn in the pool and the water became fresh and clean again.

Zombies, on the other hand are powerful in their own twisted way. Being the undead remains of anyone you know and love makes it somewhat easier to relate to them. Zombies never sleep, and they are incapable of fatigue. Fatigue in the muscles is caused by a lactic acid build up. Zombies are incapable of producing this acid. Since they are incapable of producing lactic acid in the muscle tissue they feel no symptoms of fatigue. Zombies are impervious to pain and require no air to breathe. The small portion of the brain which the parasite needs requires such a small amount of oxygen that simply by being in an environment where oxygen is present will suffice. This means, obviously, that a zombie can survive on land; however, this also means that a zombie can survive under water as water is one part oxygen.
They are thus immune to drugs, poisons, gases, extremes of temperature and pressure, high voltage electricity, suffocation, and drowning. While not invulnerable to physical injury, zombies can suffer great damage to their bodies (including dismemberment) without being adversely affected. Dismembering the legs will render the zombie immobile, but the creature will still continue to subsist. Likewise, decapitation will incapacitate the body, but the head will still "live".
Zombies don’t possess any superhuman strength, nor do they have a night vision, characteristic usually common to undead specimens.
Zombies have no concept of fear. You cannot scare a zombie. The small amount of brain that they have does not process fear. A zombie will see you and feel the need to kill you without being intimidated by the number or the weapons that a victim may possess. People see zombies as relentless bloodthirsty killers even when the zombies have no control over their actions. The Zombies are victims themselves...Zombies created by voodoo tend to be harmless, and are often used as slaves by the witch doctors that have created them.
There are many different aspects  about zombies both positive and negative. The most terrific aspect of the zombie is that it first appears as the casual shape of a typical civilian which mind has been sucked out and left empty. Zombies are terrific because instead of delicately sucking your blood as the vampire, they come in disguise and brutally tear you into pieces.
The deactivation of a zombie's nervous system, caused by the curse or chemical and genetic alterations, has often been used to explain their very low mobility and rate of metabolism. The chemicals in the human body acts as a stimulant for their metabolism, prolonging their not-quite-dead condition.


Battle Strategy

To determine the winner of a war between zombies and unicorns you must first study the battle strategies of both groups. Unicorns were originally used for battle between opposing warlords. They have the tendency to lead the troupe into the battleground. Unicorns can not be caught by men, only by women. An old story defends this statement. A medieval story tells of the capture of a unicorn by a maiden. The unicorn was far too fast and wild for the man that was hunting him. He could only be tamed by a maiden who sat lonely underneath a tree in the woods. Attracted by the scent of purity he would lay his head on her lap and she would rock him to sleep. Then she would cut of his horn, and leave him for the hunter and his dogs.
The Unicorns are a trusted and reliable source of protection and healing. They would put their lives in danger for those that have loved them and kept the secrets of their power away from those that want to destroy them. A unicorn does not think of it's own rights and needs and puts other peoples well being far above it's own.
Returning to the power of a Unicorns mystical horn which could be used to heal an entire population which is affected by disease. The wounds suffered in battle by its own kind can be mended, and kin can be restored to perfect health.
A unicorns blood can also heal those that ask permission first- without permission the makeup of the unicorns blood can kill a human- more or less- kill a zombie.

Zombies usually do not possess  battle strategy at the time of war. Zombies are usually the infirm or the defenseless people in your community. They do not possess any combat training that could help them overtake the unicorns and all that oppose them. The Zombianic condition does spread quickly...so they have the strength of numbers on their side...making it ultimately impossible to deplete their numbers.
Though the Unicorns can not die they can be stripped of their powers by removing the red part of the horn. This does not rid them of their powers completely (it take 200 years to regrow a horn, unless they find a pool deep in the forest).
Hoardes of Zombies can overtake a troupe of Unicorns but Zombies can only do so much. Unicorn's blood (Zombies drain the Unicorns) would poison the Zombies and quicken the decay process. Eventhough voodoo could save the Zombies yet the Zombie would have to go back to his grave...where they usually leave forever...because that's the only place you can ultimately kill a Zombie and all of his Children. (Cut off the head kill the body).

Therefore the ultimate winner of this battle?

False Advertising.